I chanced upon an excerpt from Aldous Huxley’s novel, Island, the other day. In it he talks about the act of trying too hard versus that of “learning to do everything lightly” and that includes feeling, even if you are prone to do so deeply. He speaks of lightly letting things happen and then lightly coping with those issues that give or create angst.
I’ve not read anything of Huxley’s other than this recent passage, but his philosophy is appealing to one who has done anything but tread softly during her time of grieving.
So many times I have read this and thought, yes, that’s what I’ll do, or read that and thought, this is the way to go about things. And while none of what I’ve thought or done has hurt me too terribly, I guess, it does tend to run its course, and I go back to the same sad thoughts and feelings.
But here is where I am at right now: I can think about the sad and overwhelming events from the past year without swirling away down a dark hole. I have settled into a routine of living that I can manage and while it may not be ideal, it’s not all that bad either. I am focused on my my daughter’s needs now, more than before, as I have sometimes forgotten what it’s like to be 16 years old and fatherless. It’s we, not just me.
It’s a setting of boundaries time, and determining what’s important and what’s not, with the knowledge that it’s okay to do so lightly without making any hard and fast rules that box you in. Established routines, that got us through the really difficult times, are relaxing a bit with the knowledge that we do not need those rigid walls to keep us upright anymore. You might say it’s an exploration of sorts.
Part of this exploration involves meeting new people whose perspectives and issues of concern are different from mine. Patrick and I had a certain way of living and thinking and we were content with our bubble of three. This time of isolation has afforded me the chance to view our life together objectively and you know, it hasn’t been a bad journey, more of an enlightened one really. I loved our life together and yet I also think I am beginning to love this life too, especially as we have slowed down its evolution.
During the writing of this piece a song has been playing through my head from the Chapin family. It’s one of my favorites and it’s a great Saturday morning song. It speaks of letting time go lightly with those you love, and perhaps it also speaks to living in the present with your beautiful memories.
I wish you a time of lightness and peace, and may we all experience even just a little of both in our daily lives.
Until next time,
Melissa xo xo