letter to My Husband on Moving Forward
Dear Pat, I saw your picture yesterday
and recognized a new kind of pain.
The pain of acceptance.
In the midst of this different spring
I must truly begin my new life
as a homeowner
New and necessary jobs
need to get started.
The first with the ring of a doorbell:
at safe distancing, an offer
to fix my clothesline.
Only you and my mother
could truly know
what that meant to me.
I have read much,
asked much, and heard much
on the process of grieving,
but in the end
it is a journey
that belongs to those who grieve.
Many decisions I have made and continue to make
are hard ones and I end up feeling
very selfish at times.
Resentment enters the muddy waters of loss
and it is sometimes difficult being the sole parent
of even the best child.
Scary times do not always bring out
the best in us.
The unique paths we have each taken are not linear
but they do often cross
which is good.
A talking dog often gets to the heart of the matter.
I chose to work from the top down
beginning with the roof
and cleaning up the debris after it falls.
At the peak with a difficult move, and then all the hard work
I miss the look of praise
in your eyes and in your smile.
You alone knew what that meant to me.
And whenever I get to see that look again
I will never take it for granted.
Love Melissa xo
In 1995, I was introduced to the poem "Letter to My Father from 40,000 Feet " by Sharon Olds. I was a practicing teacher at the time, all of 27 years old. Something about this poem has stayed with me ever since. Although it speaks of a complex relationship that Olds had with her father, it's really lines 12 to 17 that speak the most to me in terms of what it would be like to experience seeing and holding your loved one again. ~M
It has always been easier to express my thoughts through writing rather than speaking. Writing gives me the chance to record memories and ideas while moving forward with hope.
View all posts by Hope through writing
8 thoughts on “In the style of Sharon Olds”
Beautiful as always, Melissa.
Thank you xo
Melissa, this letter was so touching, Pat will always be missed by you and Bea and from the pictures of Pat it was very evident that he tought you both hung the moon. His eyes always showed how much he loved you both. Take Care Melissa!
Thank you so much, Lori. Xo
For what it’s worth, I also work from the top down. It is the best way. Xoxo
Lol! Good to hear. I mustvbe doing something right then.
❤ A healthy journey. ❤
Just catching up on your writings. Dad has gone downhill in last 2 days. I have a new lens from which to read your grieving process.
😪 sorry to hear this Pam. Xoxo